The episode opens with Winston deciding to finally date again. (He came to this conclusion the night before, while showering with his cat, Ferguson.) Jess and Nick agree to watch Ferguson. Meanwhile, Schmidt casually mentions that CeCe has consented to go out on a date with Coach. Yes, that’s right, COACH AND CECE. No big deal. (COACHANDCECECOACHANDCECECOACHANDCECE!!!!!)
Schmidt pretends he’s fine with Coach dating his former girlfriend. “It’s good for Coach, it’s good for Cece, it’s good for America.” But his feigned nonchalance doesn’t fool Nick.
Meanwhile Coach struggles to maintain his confidence as he woos CeCe, who struggles with first-date nerves herself. “You’re the prize,” Schmidt assures him. Coach and CeCe head off to the Staples Center to watch a WNBA basketball game, while Jess and Nick babysit Schmidt, who keeps trying to escape and sabotage the date. (Nick to Jess, “When you see a dog cage for sale, you buy it.”)
CeCe and Coach begin their date. Coach attempts to impress CeCe with his suaveness (“What’s up, what’s up, what’s up?)
Winston returns from the bar, discouraged by his failed attempts to speak with women. Ferguson the cat is nowhere to be found in the apartment, having escaped from an open window. Winston and Nick go off to find the cat, while Jess looks after Schmidt and tries to keep him distracted. This fails as Schmidt begins sexual relations with their sectional sofa. “This leather is so smooth. Brown. It’s just like CeCe.” Ewwwww. Frustrated, Jess decides to take Schmidt to a bar to find a girl who can take his mind off CeCe. He gives her the slip and leaves to find CeCe.
Nick and Winston find Ferguson at the home of a lusty, middle-aged bus driver, who owns a hamster. She feeds them bologna sandwiches and flirts openly with Winston. “Sold Christian t-shirts for a while, got my tubes tied.” Sparks fly, and Nick leaves with Ferguson so the woman and Winston can get to know each other. In the Biblical way, obviously. “We’re about to do what adults do.”
Back at the Staples Center, Coach smothers CeCe with game merch and snacks in an attempt to impress her. But he ignores her throughout the date in favor of his phone. Frustrated by his constant texting, CeCe leaves. Coach runs after her and confesses that because of his nerves, he’s been texting his mom. Charmed, CeCe agrees to continue the date and they end it by making out passionately.
Schmidt stops at a chocolatier and then continues to the Staples Center to find his ex and Coach. Jess chases him down and Schmidt begs her to hit him with her car to stop him from going after CeCe and Coach. She does. Twice. Schmidt is furious. “These are my favorite utility khakis!” Thanks to Jess, Schmidt makes it through the evening with his dignity (mostly) intact.
Next week: Will Coach and CeCe continue to date? Will Schmidt let his jealousy get the better of him?