Oh, Bobby Jindal
How I count the ways I love thee
Your perfect smile
Your bright white teeth
The way you wink
The way you talk in that southern drawl
That thing you do when you tell poor folk they don’t deserve healthcare
Oh Bobby, you are such a beacon of hope
For whom, I’m not sure
But for someone I bet.
Your name speaks such volumes
It’s so full of meaning and pride and glory to our culture
Of course yes, your real name is still Piyush and was given to you by your parents
But I trust your judgment in changing it to Bobby
I mean, who can deny your reasons
You love the Brady Brunch
You love America
America loves the Brady Brunch
Changing your name to Bobby was a simple way of telling the country you are willing to do anything for everyone.
We need you as President, more than ever
You sir, have done so much good so soon (i.e. poor folk and healthcare)
You sir, are a true man of the people
From country club to country club, they toast to your name.
Through your skills and expertise you have brought together one of modern America’s most awesome coalitions:
Straight white men with money, Slightly richer straight white men, and of course straight white men who’ve watched the movie “The Butler” and thoroughly enjoyed it.
Who needs those pesky African-Americans and Indian voters?
You certainly don’t.
You’re a winner!
Who changed his name
Who changed his religion
Who a lot of people don’t like.
Who isn’t even that well-liked among South Asians except for that one old Desi guy who still blames Muslims for everything and tells that to everyone he meets at a party.
But that stuff doesn’t bother you.
With your winning smile, your social conservative agenda, and your southern drawl,
you will always find a friend in the old aging Desi,
you will always find a home in the country club.
have made me proud to be a Bengali-American.
* * *
Sudip Bhattacharya recently graduated from Georgetown University with a master’s in journalism. He is a native New Jerseyan. Sudip has written for the first Asian-American newspaper at Rutgers, was a member of the Asian American Leadership Cabinet at the university, and during his time in D.C. reported on issues of ethnicity and immigration while interning for the Washington City Paper and CNNPolitics.com. He was also the first Ethnic, Immigration and Culture Reporter at Lancaster Newspapers in Pennsylvania.