Halloween is upon us! It’s the season for witches, goblins, Disney princesses, Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball”-inspired costumes, and if you’re like many people with no sense of taste, it’s also the season for stupid, culturally offensive costumes. Before you, dear reader, try your hand at hipster racism by channeling some ill-conceived Slumdog Millionaire-inspired look, please know that we, your friendly Aerogram editors, don’t want you to make an ass of yourself tonight. So here are some looks to avoid!
Rohin: The listing sizzles with such descriptors as “Experience the magic and mystery of exotic India when you don this romantic Bolly Ho adult women’s costume.” Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s back up. Since when did a garish cocktail dress with shawl pass as a costume?
Lakshmi: This costume has been haunting my Facebook ads since October 1. I never want to see it again.
Kishwer: Bolly Ho? More like Bolly No.
SEXY PRINCESS JASMINE COSTUME
Rohin: Remember that time Princess Jasmine from Aladdin took up Bharatanatyam even though Aladdin itself is derived from an Arabic folktale? I don’t!
Lakshmi: I not-so-secretly want Disney to send them a cease-and-desist letter.
Kishwer: Can someone explain why she’s doing a yoga move?
THE “I WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOUR MOM” COSTUME
Pavani: It just looks like a badly draped version of something my mom wears all the time. Take that, cultural appropriators! Especially if you were hoping to look exotic and interesting on Halloween night by dressing up like real people who wear saris as part of their culture and daily wear.
Rohin: I want to meet the woman who would wear this to a Halloween party and hear her tell me, “Oh, I dressed up as an Indian woman for Halloween.” Then I’d tell that horrible person to download this app, before attempting to dodge her for the rest of the night.
Oh, no. This is out of stock. Who is buying this!?
Lakshmi: More importantly, who is paying almost $64 for this!?! Couldn’t you just go to Edison/Jackson Heights/local South Asian neighborhood of choice and simply buy a real sari?
Kishwer: What’s a sari without the folds? Get your pleats in gear, lady.
THE PRINCE ALI ABAB-WA-MY-GOD COSTUME
Rohin: There’s an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race where Phi Phi O’Hara tells Sharon Needles to go back to Party City because her drag is apparently so tacky. This evokes that singular moment. This, too, is from Party City.
Kishwer: Turbans are acceptable on Halloween. Every other day of the year, not so much.
THE WILL-IT-ALL-FALL-APART COSTUME
Pavani: This costume looks like it would fall apart if someone actually tried out Bollywood dance moves, tandoori chicken-style, while wearing it.
Lakshmi: Yes, the possibility of literally unraveling in front of your friends seems high.
Rohin: What’s weirder here is that the heavy make-up seems to be a more pronounced part of the costume because the costume itself is so unspectacular. The biggest crime here is that again, like the Bolly Ho, this is just so eye-stabbingly boring.
(Shout-out to Party City for being regressive enough to carry all of these costumes, except Bolly Ho!)